PART 2 - The 20 Best Things You Can Do For Your Relationship

PART 2 - The 20 Best Things You Can Do For Your Relationship  

Amazing advice from real married couples and people who have seen, studied, and lived really good love.By Brittany Burke and Melissa Walker

Get a reliable babysitter
"Studies show that an important predictor of relationship happiness is how often a couple socializes with friends, so plan a double date. And don't feel guilty about leaving the kids--parents today spend more time with their children than any others in the past 100 years, but they do it at the expense of adult time, which is essential for a strong and happy relationship. Being with friends gives you new things to talk about and allows you to show each other off. Say, 'Tell them that joke you told me!' or, 'He's doing so great at work.' Sharing your mate's strong points with others makes you both feel proud and happy." --Stephanie Coontz, director of research and public education, Council on Contemporary Families

Be honest — and vocal — about your finances
"No one loves to talk about money, but secrets, whether it's a bad investment or your late-night e-shopping habit, always come out and destroy trust. I've worked with couples who are over $100,000 in credit card debt and on the brink of divorcing, but are able to stop blaming each other, get it paid off, and stay together. I've also worked with couples whose marriages ended because they couldn't come clean about their spending habits. Discussing debt, spending, savings--everything--is the only thing that can help you overcome financial obstacles." --Karen Lee, certified financial planner

Compliment his...skills
"Men are most loving when they feel manly, and nothing makes a man feel more masculine than being praised for his lovemaking. Keep it simple: Say, 'You were great,' or, 'I loved what you did to me last night,' and walk away. Don't look for a return compliment--the comment must be a gift. Then watch how he'll make an effort to be good to you after that--and I don't just mean sexually." --Abraham Morgentaler, M.D., author of the upcoming book Why Men Fake It: The Truth About Men and Sex

Indulge each other's passions
"My husband's a big golfer, so I took lessons so we could play together. Now that I can keep up with him, it's nice to have a friendly competition going, and he enjoys that we do something he loves--and can give me pointers at." --Misty May-Treanor, Olympic gold medalist
Let him go

"That doesn't mean stop caring. It means be secure enough within yourself that you don't freak out if he's not with you and you don't know exactly where he is. I've never tried to control Fred, and the fire is still hot." --REDBOOK READER JOYCE FIELDS, MARRIED TO FRED FOR 45 YEARS

Ask the right question
"You must stay curious. I learned this from watching couples in conversation say things like, 'Are you done yet?' so they could have their turn. The other person inevitably responds defensively because they feel unheard. When the listener was coached to instead ask, 'Is there more about that?' in an interested tone, the speaker relaxed, and began to talk from a deeper level, which made for more meaningful discussions." --Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., relationship therapist and coauthor of Making Marriage Simple: Ten Truths for Changing the Relationship You Have Into the One You Want

Have a secret language
"We have a system of hand-squeeze signals to use at parties to find out: Do you love me? Shall we leave now? Do you want to make love when we get home? Communicating without anyone else knowing gives you a rush and makes you feel even closer." --REDBOOK READER LOIS TSCHETTER HJELMSTAD, MARRIED TO LES FOR 64 YEARS

Get yourself in the mood
"Couples share so many mundane activities, like washing dishes, changing diapers, and paying the bills; it can be easy for the relationship to lose its sexual charge. The most successful pairs take the time to prime themselves for sex, instead of waiting for a lightning bolt of lust to strike them in the middle of a harried day. It sounds weird at first, but I tell clients who are having intimacy problems to get their motors running by thinking about their partner's sexiest qualities for at least 10 minutes per day, and to create new fantasies about them. Or, dream up your ideal erotic encounter, build anticipation by rehearsing it in your mind, and then make it happen. If you really focus on it, you'll notice a change in your level of desire take shape immediately." --Brandy Engler, psychologist and author of The Men on My Couch

Be biased about him
"I work with a lot of couples who get in trouble because they let anger at their partner over one thing poison their whole view. Suddenly, the person is annoying, difficult, unattractive, and selfish. I teach them to use the 'halo effect'--which means that you use one outstanding trait to generalize an overly favorable view of someone. The trick is to keep positive images of each other front and center, even during disagreements or feelings of boredom. Despite a current annoyance, they can then recall that their partner is funny, has beautiful eyes, or is sweetly protective. Holding on to that valued image will keep you from spiraling toward the disdain that makes couples split up." --Gail Saltz, M.D., psychiatrist and best-selling author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life

Get a little privacy
"A lot of people would say that the best thing you can do is practice patience, or never go to bed angry, but really? Separate bathrooms. Everyone needs a private space, and the bathroom makes for an excellent one." --REDBOOK READER GYLEAN TRABUCCHI, MARRIED TO ZENO FOR 46 YEARS

Read more: Relationship Tips From Real Married Couples - Best